Honestly Dishonest

What Do You Have To Say? - My Guilty Pleasure

2008-01-04T05:56:46Z

What's your guilty pleasure?

Brought to you by HP

I actually don't have one. If I take an enjoyment out of something why should I feel guilty about it? I'm sure this wasn't an answer whomever started this wanted, but it's my answer all the same.

jacks_horizon @ 2007-11-27T09:49:00

2007-11-27T14:52:42Z

I feel as if I should probably enter some type of something here. So let's get on with it shall we?

My friends have their lovely graphics in their journals, but little ol' me? Nope. Can't do them. So.. I figure I'll start posting what I can do here. Vids mostly, so I'm about to start working on one for the film Secret Window. Mort Rainey anyone? <3

Oh, and Ash, if you read this I want to request a layout. Something mad wicked ya know?

Ashes To Ashes

2007-11-07T17:20:26Z

\

On the 6th of November in the year 2007 my uncle Johnny Kitchens passed away at 7 am in Doctors Hospital. I believe he was either 48 or 49 years of age. Sadly, he died of cirrhosis of the liver brought on by alcoholism.

There are the base facts of his death, the cold, stark, impersonal truths of a horrible event. You can sit back and read that and feel nothing except perhaps a bit of shock at his age or maybe even chagrin at the cause of his death and how he chose to live his life.

What those hollow words fail to capture is how his sudden death has affected those who loved and knew him. It's a horrid waste of life. John's gone. Not coming back...ever, due to alcohol. He left behind his 15 and 26 year old sons, a grieving mother and father and four brothers.

Their sadness is heavy and near choking... hard to observe because there isn't a damn thing you can do, yet necessary to the grieving process.

How has all of this affected me? Well I suppose you'd need to understand that for the whole of my life, up until this point, I have never had to deal with the death of someone I knew. Also take into account that my brother and I spent a lot of our youth with my uncle and his family. Going to the lake, softball tournaments, vacations.. many things.

For years I have been trying to mentally and emotionally prepare myself, as well as one can, for losing someone I loved. Morbid you say? I would disagree vehemently to that superficial observation. Just take a second to think about it.. I mean really ponder. Do you think about losing someone you care about? Do you make sure they know how much you care about them on a daily basis? Have you been affected by death yet?

I know we all think about death and those we love dying. How am I going to react? What am I going to do? We all asks ourselves these questions at some point. For some people, maybe a spouse, or a parent or child, when our minds touch on them and link them with death we shy away from any train of thought that would lead us down that darkened, twisted, dangerous path. I believe these thoughts to be part of the human condition. Death, the inevitable thief, our macabre shadow, is never very far from our thoughts.

So when my uncle Johnny passed away I was shocked. On November 5th, my birthday, I went to see him in the hospital. He was on a morphine drip, unaware but awake. I sat up there with him, my father, my oldest brother, my Grandmother, Aunt Angie, Uncle Jerry, and cousin Stephanie for two or so hours. When we got ready to leave I identified myself and told Uncle John that I loved him and would be back later with my dad. My father had even spoken to my Uncle Bruce who was flying in from Chicago the next morning. The ironic bit was that we were still making plans for the next day. The next day the doctors told us we would have...

Imagine the stunned surprise when he died the next morning. I can admit that in some ways it was a good thing. Uncle John was no longer suffering or in pain and the family didn't have to continually say goodbye to him, but the finality was crushing. Here today, gone tomorrow and grieving loved ones left in the wake.

I can't imagine what it's like for my Grandmother, grandfather and his brothers.. they had to see their oldest son/brother die and die horridly. No parent should ever have to witness their child's death. It's not how the natural order should occur. Parents should pass before their children. Though I'm well aware nothing ever happens as it should I can still raise an angry, impotent fist at the injustice of it all.

So how am I doing? I'm sad. The grief hits me at really odd moments and I'll cry for a bit. I'll think about Christmas or Thanksgiving and BAM! Johnny will never share another one with us. Such a simple thought to be so damn heavy. What can one do but come to terms, deal with the issue, and carry on with his memory and name ready and always present in our minds, hearts and souls?

My mind.. friendly at times and at others it can be my worst critic and enemy. The thoughts running through my head range from worry, as in where is he now, which in turn lead to even deeper questions about souls.. then sadness and maybe even a smile or a couple of laughs.

Memories are my motivation and inspiration to smile fondly. I can recall Uncle John sitting down in his room playing Stairway to Heaven on his guitar.. or when my brother and I rode home from the hospital with Uncle Johnny and Aunt Donna the day my father was shot and how pissed off he was on my Daddy's behalf. They come at odd moments.. those little brief glimpses into how he affected my life.

Bottom line, my uncle lived the life he wanted. Live hard and play harder. Drugs and alcohol, consequences but no concerns.

Buy the ticket, take the ride.

I hope you enjoyed your ride Uncle John.

~~~~

It all falls into place.

2007-10-24T13:39:03Z

Recently I have joined this wonderful site called The International Johnny Depp Forums.

Link:
http://forums.johnny-depp.org/index.php?page=Index

Now I felt the need to copy a post I submitted to a thread entitled : What makes and always has made Johnny so special and unique to you? by KL70.

There are those rare moments when one is able to perfectly express ones thoughts using the right words and this happened to be one such moment for me. Is it true? Every word luv.

Oh this is going to be fun.

I became an admirer of Johnny Depp quite by accident or surprise if you will. First you should know a bit about myself in order to understand.

Be forewarned that the following is solely my personal feelings/opinions. (in other words not to be taken personally or as an insult in any manner. <3 )

I hate the term fan when used in association with myself. For whatever reason I have bad connotations with that word. Brings to mind vapid, mental, hysterical people who scream over a name on a piece of paper and are unable to differentiate between a character and the person portraying that character. I'm not really that into movies or television. (not to be confused with NOT ever watching movies, because I do) I prefer music and reading as forms of entertainment. Though I will admit to liking anything done by Burton and Tarantino. I don't follow any entertainer, meaning I won't go see a movie just because <insert whatever big star is popular these days> is in it.

Now on with how I became an admirer of Johnny's. I had someone I know recently ask me if I had any Johnny Depp DVD's they could borrow. My response, "No clue, but feel free to look." (Yes I do own DVD's ) They proceeded to rifle through said DVD's and turned to me all shocked, "You have almost every single one of his movies. What do you mean you didn't know?"

It actually took me aback for a moment. Apparently I love the CHARACTERS in the movies and it has only just been brought to my attention that they were all portrayed by Johnny. How can I not notice you ask? Easy. I get involved with the characters themselves and paired with the fact that Johnny really doesn't even try to play up his looks, the actor behind the character disappears.

This is something I have come to deeply admire about his acting. He doesn't want you to see Johnny Depp, he wants the audience to see Raoul Duke or Edward Scissorhands or Ichabod Crane or even Jack Sparrow to name a few. Is Johnny Depp a good looking man? Of course he is, but is that why I enjoy him? No.

So yes I was surprised to see I had a lot of his movies, but I was also pleased with the fact that he appealed to me for all the right reasons if you will. Then I caught snippets of his personality from my mother, who happened to be talking about an article with him in it recently, and I'll admit what I heard sparked my curiosity. Like any curious kat would, I gathered information. Some things were obvious, such like the fact he's in a class all his own, that he bucks any labels and is unique and celebrates individuality. These things I knew just based on how he carries himself, the way he dresses and the tattoos on his person telling his own story (I happen to believe this as well. My tattoos are representative of certain times in my life and they all have their own story and meanings.) I was pleased to find out how truly caring he is, how intelligent and well read, how willing he was to admit his problems and give voice to the skewed views he had/has of himself, in other words, how HUMAN he is.

This post has grown long yet still.. it's hard to put a finger on why I do like Johnny Depp. He defies definition, which coincidently is another reason to like him eh?

Mostly I copied this for my personal records, but I felt the need to share.

Oh, I finally got AVS, so now I can work on converting VOB files so that I can make more fan videos. I'm rather happy about that. ^.^ First thing I'm converting? My damn POTC 1 Extras.

Here's another video entitled My Goddess. Don't know if I posted this yet, but I'll hope not.

Until we next set sail...

~ Horizon ~

Lost ability

2007-10-23T19:29:57Z

'Ello Beasties...

For some reason I woke up yesterday and I have lost my voice, or am in the process of losing it. Not that I mind not being able to speak all that much, it just feels odd. My throat doesn't hurt so much as it feels constricted.

But enough about that. I have recently finished many fan videos which has put me in a rather buoyant mood. So, I am going to pull one out of me bag to share with anyone who happens upon this little place in the net I've managed to carve out. I sincerely hope you, whomever you are, enjoy my video.

POTC Vid and a fun one at that.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YDjS2SUi-mU

Until we meet again...

Horizon

Finished at Last

2007-10-19T16:24:43Z

It took bloody long enough, but I have finally finished my mood pictures. I've even double checked and made sure that every single picture is different.

Now that this bit is done I suppose I should start making entries on a somewhat regular basis. I say somewhat because, if we're "honest" with ourselves, you nor I really want to read and or write some forced bullshit. It makes things utterly dull and repetitive. So I shall make an entry when something interesting happens or failing that at least once a week.

Until that next Horizon...

Moods Engulf Me

2007-10-19T07:06:34Z

It's three a.m. here and I'm still caught up in trying to finish my customized moods.

*grins*

What can I say? An odd bit of information about me; when I'm into something it becomes a bit of an obsession for the period that said thing holds me enraptured.

So, I think I'll try to get about 4 or 5 hours of sleep then be back tomorrow to finish up. It's been surprisingly difficult to find different pictures for every single mood available on LJ. Once I'm done with this minor goal I'd better bloody write in this thing and utilize that feature. Pep talk of sorts I suppose..

Word of advice : Writing while sleepy impairs your ability to flow cohesively while also SEVERELY hindering your articulation. Don't try this at home kiddies.

One of many...

2007-10-15T05:22:01Z

So one of my many interests lies with making fanvids.

I've oft times been asked why I make said videos. Honestly, *smirks*, I think it stems from being able to combine something that I absolutely love, music, with something that entertains me. So I figured I'll post my videos in my journal as well as on the ever popular YouTube. Feel free to indulge yourself if you spot any that may catch your interest.

First one ever posted for public consumption :
Even Deeper
A Greg Sanders Video

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aMAuHVdyUNY

There has to always be a first...

2007-10-07T19:21:59Z

Currently I'm just tinkering with the whole set up. Tryin' to get a feel for this place and all that.

On a side, why is it in the moments when you're allowed to compose some witty or insightful bit, you always, always fall short.

Apparently I've just fallen.

Until I know what to post...

<3

Jack's Horizon